I thought this was a really great explanation from El Fury about some people get sexually aroused and then act on the sexual arousal. others aren’t aroused until something sexual is going on. It can cause all types of confusion for both sides.
Understanding Sexual Arousal
One spouse may think, “Why are they after me all the time? Is sex all they think about?”. The other spouse may think, “Why do they never initiate? Why aren’t they ever in the mood?”. When you don’t understand your own sexual tendencies, it can be just as confusing.
One spouse may say, “Why don’t I ever want sex?”. The other spouse may say, “Why do I want sex right now? This is the most inopportune time.” I think it is really important that we figure out our own patterns and our spouse’s patterns.
Being in the Mood or Not
It’s really common to not be, “In the mood” until things start feeling good. It’s just as common to be “in the mood” when nothing is going on at all.
You can check out what he said in his post, Spontaneous and Responsive Sexuality.