Whether you have experienced a great loss or had a bad day, physical intimacy can bring you comfort. I believe God designed physical intimacy to meet many different needs, including a way to reduce sadness and sorrow.
In 2 Samuel 12, we see David do this for Bathsheba. After their child died, the first part of verse 24 says, “Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and made love to her.”.
Having sex in moments like these allows you to experience a closeness with your spouse that brings deep comfort.
Sheila, from To Love, Honor, and Vacuum talks about this very same situation in her book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. She describes the night that she and her husband lost their son and how their physical intimacy brought them both comfort.
Why Physical Intimacy Brings Comfort
Have you ever been in desperate need of a hug? It is a basic need to desire physical affection when we are hurting. A simple hug between friends or family can provide us with that boost that we need to get through a difficult day.
How much more can physical intimacy go in bringing comfort? A great deal.
I love the points that J from Hot, Holy, Humorous makes in regards to comfort sex. She talks about how physical intimacy provides us with a release of tension in the body, brings reassurance, transports our minds away from the grief, and helps us to reconnect with the one we love.
Bring Comfort To Your Spouse
There are many ways that you can bring comfort to your spouse, but I encourage you to not overlook using physical intimacy as one of those ways. They may not even realize how much they need that connection with you until it is over.
If you are typically a sexual refuser or rarely initiate, do not wait for your spouse to ask for it. During a crisis or time of hurt, they may be less likely to ask for physical comfort for fear of rejection.
On the other hand, if it is your spouse that normally doesn’t ask for sex, then offer them this form of comfort. Don’t pressure them, even if you think it will help them. Give them the time, and then come back again.
What About When They Hurt You?
When your spouse hurts you, having sex is likely the last thing on your mind. On the other hand, your spouse may ask you to be with them physically after they have apologized for their wrong doing. Why? Because they want to be comforted and reconnect with you.
Should you be with them right after they have hurt you? There’s not a right answer here. Sometimes, the answer is yes, and others it is no. If you feel that having sex with them will build resentment in you, then the answer should be no. If you feel that the intimacy will help you both heal, then the answer should be yes.
If you do chose to put them off so that you can process the pain, initiate with them as soon as you can. Don’t let too much time pass before you connect physically.
Next time you and your spouse are in need of comfort, consider spending time having sex.