Oh…so you’re married to mind reader, right? I didn’t think so. If you were, then you could keep going with the tactics you are using for communicating what you wish they knew.
Since you’re not married to someone that can read your mind, then it is time you use your words…and not just any words, but ones your spouse can understand.
It is very important to speak plainly and clearly. I’m not saying that your spouse is going to do exactly what you are asking one they understand. What I am saying, is that you have no chance of them doing what you hope for if they don’t know you are asking for it.
Communication About Physical Intimacy Can Be Confusing
One of the biggest areas couples struggle to communicate well in, is in their sex life. In the movies, everyone seems to be on the same page with sexual desires. Here in the real world, it is much different than that.
In movies, if you see someone start kissing, you know they are going to take their clothes off. In the real world, you aren’t going to have sex everytime you kiss. This is why I think it can become so confusing for a couple.
You are likely going to show some amount of physical affection towards your spouse that doesn’t lead to intercourse. How are they supposed to know the difference between you getting a little hot and heavy and actually wanting to take to the next step if you don’t come out and say it?
Use the Words, “Can We Have Sex?”
At some point while you and your spouse are interacting physically, it would be a good idea to come right out and ask, “Can we have sex?”.
I said this on Periscope the other day, and someone watching said they thought it would kill the moment to do that. I completely disagree. We are talking about real life sex here, not what you see in movies.
In real life, we have to use our words to communicate. Normally, we aren’t reading from the same script…heck…we’re lucky if we are even in the same show.
Come right out and ask the question in a pointed way.
Keep Talking During Your Time Together
Don’t let your communication stop once you decide to progress. Keep using your words and come right out and say what you need or want. It is ok to talk during sex…in fact, I highly encourage it.
Get this idea out of your head that your spouse is going to respond the way you want them to if you just nudge them a little or kiss them a certain way. Use your words.
I’d like for you to kiss me here
I want you to touch me there
Can we get into this position?
Would you slow down a bit
I would like you to go a little faster
I’m not saying that you need to give your spouse command after command, but if something isn’t working for you, or you think something would work better, speak up!
Let Them Know When You’re Satisfied
Neither spouse should walk away from a sexual experience wondering if the other person reached the big O. When you are satisfied or reach that point, tell your spouse in the moment. This is very important for women. With men, it’s pretty obvious that they are done, but not as much with women.
For goodness sake…don’t fake it either. If you can’t get there, then just tell your spouse you aren’t going to make it. Don’t let them walk away thinking you had an experience that you didn’t have.
Don’t Forget the Pillow Talk
After you are done being with one another, take a few minutes to talk. The communication should continue on after you are through.
Your conversations with your spouse can be short, but they should exist. Ask them if they enjoyed themselves. Find out what they liked specifically about that time together. Don’t just get up and go clean up without talking.
Give Them Pointers For Next Time
Sometimes, you don’t want to kill the moment while you are in the midst of having sex. However, if you guys tried something that didn’t work well for you, then give your spouse a few pointers for next time. Be open and honest, but keep your voice soft.
Using your words when it comes to physical intimacy is so important. Don’t think that you or your spouse is a failure because either of you needs the other one to come right out and say what you need. Open communication should be cherished in a relationship.