Are you struggling to have time for foreplay before you spend time making love? Too tired to do more than engage in quick, comfort sex? If that’s the case, I want to share some ideas of what you can do to get yourself sexually excited before you and your spouse engage in sex and improve your overall sex life.
There are a lot of ways you can get yourself in the mood ahead of time, both by yourself and with your spouse. Here are ideas you can try.
Send Flirty Texts
Foreplay begins in your mind. You and your spouse can really increase the sexual tension by sending flirty texts throughout the day. Of course, you have to be mindful of their job or circumstances where getting a flirty text isn’t appropriate. But, work out with each other a way that you can flirt through text at times that it would be welcomed.
If you want to keep those kinds of text private and from popping up on their phone screen, I recommend downloading the Just Between Us app. It’s an encrypted app that my friend Dan, over at Get Your Marriage On created. It’s perfect for sexting and sending images you don’t want other people to see.
Look At Sexy Images or Videos Of Each Other
Speaking of the Just Between Us app, it’s a safe way to store images and videos of you and your spouse. Carve out a night where you can spend time creating images and videos that you can look at in the future. Not sure what to take pictures or videos of? Check out the bedroom game prompts in my Sexy Picture Dare card game.
You might be really surprised how sexually excited you will feel by looking at these images. Pull out your phone and look at them together or take a peak while you’re getting ready.
Ask Each Other a Sexy Question
Talking doesn’t take a lot of energy. So why not engage in a sexy conversation to get your mind and body ready? Here is a full list of sexy truth or dare questions you can ask your spouse. Ask just one question while you are both getting ready at night or pull it out at dinner (assuming you’re alone).
Create a Romantic Environment In Your Bedroom
One thing I’ve always done is make our bedroom look romantic. I’ve never let our kids come in and hang out, bring their toys, or use it like another room of the house. We decorate our room to be romantic and keep it clean. It makes it very easy to get in the mood when it’s time.
You can hang a few strands of white Christmas lights, keep a candle by the bed, keep a few soft throw blankets on your bed to snuggle in…whatever you find romantic to set the mood. This will help keep you in the right frame of mind when you’re ready to spend time together.
Stimulate Yourself With a Vibrator
If you or your spouse has little energy for foreplay, using a vibrator can bring you pleasure with little effort. Vibrators can be used to stimulate the nipples, clitoris, or frenulum on a penis and provide pleasurable sexual sensations. Some vibrators are designed to be inserted into the vagina with clitoris stimulation like this one. Others are shaped more like a bullet and can be gently rubbed across erogenous zones like this.
If you’re a wife, it’s ok to orgasm before you have sex. It will make sexual intercourse feel even better…and you have a better chance of having multiple orgasms. Here’s a full guide I wrote on having your first orgasm and learning how to have multiples.
Be Physically Affectionate Earlier In The Day
There’s no reason to wait until you’re getting ready to have sex to be physically affectionate with each other. Steal kisses throughout the day. When you walk by them, rub your hand across their back or butt. Take a moment to stop and hold each other. You don’t have to spend a lot of time with each touch, but make each one count. Be as sexy or sensual as you feel comfortable.
Wear Something That Turns You On
Do you have silky underwear that brushes against you the right way? A lacy top or silky shirt that stimulates your nipples. Maybe you have an outfit or some type of lingerie that makes you feel excited. Put it on as early in the night as you can. This may mean putting on a robe to cover what you’re wearing for the last 30 minutes before you head to bed. Or it could mean that you put it on right when you get into your bedroom and you’re getting ready for sex.
This isn’t just for women, btw. Men can wear underwear and other clothes that make them feel sexy and turned on. Experiment and figure out what makes you feel sexy. But, whatever you choose, make it something that is easy to slip into and doesn’t require a lot of work. Otherwise, it defeats the point of trying to find things that don’t exhaust you before sex.
Do Sensual Things That Help You Feel In Tune With Your Body
Being sensual doesn’t necessarily mean sexual so these ideas can be done throughout the day to help you feel stimulated.
- Burn candles that have a sexy fragrance.
- Rub fury or silky material against your body.
- Massage your breasts or chest with lotion.
- Take off your underwear and wear a skirt or loose-fitting shorts.
These are just a few ideas. Check out this post that I wrote with more ideas that you can try.
Take Your Sexual Pleasure Into Your Own Hands
And by into your own hands…I’m not necessarily talking about masturbation. What I mean is that you should take the mindset that it’s your responsibility to turn yourself on and feel confident in your sexuality. That could mean doing things in advance of sex with your spouse…or while you’re having sex. Yes, bringing your spouse sexual pleasure is an important part of intimacy, but they have to be receptive to it.
Exploring what brings you sexual pleasure is on you. Only you can figure out what feels good to you and listen to your body to bring more pleasure to yourself before, during, and after sex.
I hope these ideas help you and your spouse have more satisfying sex, enjoy sex more, and feel closer to each other throughout the day.
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