Has your spouse been after you to try something new in the bedroom? Maybe you have been searching around for some fresh ideas that will spice up your sex life. Exploring new positions and trying new things can be a lot of fun for a couple. Some ideas may cause you quite a bit of reserve. Here are a few things you can ask yourself.
1. What Causes Me Concern About the Sexual Act?
This is a legitimate question that a lot of people ask when contemplating a new position or form of sexual intimacy. Your concerns may be about sanitation, physical safety, or morality. Really think through what is bothering you about the sexual act in question.
Concerned about sanitation…
If it is a matter of sanitation, such as having sex on your period or anal, then ask yourself if there is something you can do that will make it more sanitary. Even if you address the actual sanitation problem, you might still have the ick factor in your mind. At least try to brainstorm a way around it.
Concerned about physical safety…
Let’s be honest, as you get older, you lose a lot of mobility. Not every position out there lends itself to people who aren’t working out at the gym. There are other safety concerns, such as hurting your body through an act of sex.
Until you try something, it might be hard to know if you can handle it or not. Sometimes, you can go into a physical session with the understanding that it might not work out and you will both be ok with it. Other times, you know for a fact something will hurt you and it isn’t worth pursuing.
Concerned about morality…
There are plenty of sexual acts that are pushed by society that raise real moral issues. Inviting other people to your bed is without a doubt an act of adultery. However, some people have a hard time with certain acts of sex because they were taught to be reserved in the bedroom.
When you are asking yourself if the sex act is ok, take the time to read your Bible. Pray to God about it. He will give you direction and peace about your question. Sometimes, we have an idea that certain sex acts are off limits, because they sex has been so perverted in our culture. It is hard to know what is right or wrong.
2. Why Do You or Your Spouse Want to Try The New Position?
It is really important you identify why you or your spouse wants to try the intimate act in question. We all go through periods of time in our sex lives where we crave something a little different. Desiring to try something new with your spouse can be a really good thing in bringing intimacy.
There are other times that we have the wrong motivation for wanting to try something new. If you or your spouse have been watching porn or television sex, or reading romance novels, trying something you see can be a disaster.
I’m going to be honest, that stuff you see in movies or read in books is complete crap. Not too many people can have a sexual experience like that. Some of the positions are not even possible without really hurting one or both of the people involved.
3. Will The Act of Sex Make Me Feel Good About Myself?
Sex is supposed to be a good experience for both you and your spouse. God created sex to be enjoyed by a husband and wife in respect. If one or both of the partners are degraded during the act, then it is best you find something different to try. You should never walk away from sex with your spouse feeling shame or bad about who you are.
4. Will the Physical Act Bring Up Bad Memories?
For those that have experienced sexual abuse as a child or in a relationship, then some intimate acts can be mentally damaging. I’m not saying that you can’t ever feel freedom from the abuse that has happened to you, but it is ok to say no to something that reminds you of a dark time in your life.
5. Are You Honoring God With Your Sex Life?
This is the top question every couple should ask. Are you honoring God with your sex life? This takes on so many forms. If either partner has reserves about an act of sex, it would not be honoring to God to push them into the act. If you are doing something that is immoral or against scripture, than those acts should also be avoided.
6. Is The Initiating Party Forcing The Other Into Something They Are Not Comfortable With?
Encouraging your spouse to explore their sexuality with you is a healthy thing in a marriage. However, pushing or demanding your spouse to engage in something they are not comfortable with is very damaging. If you have a spouse that is trying to force you into doing something that you have said “no” to on several occasions, it is time to ask “why?”.
Why are you pushing back against the act, and why is your spouse pushing so hard to have it? This goes both ways. If there is a physical act that you just can’t get out of your head and don’t know why your spouse won’t go for it, it’s time to ask “why?”.
At the end of the day, if you or spouse do not want to engage in the form of physical intimacy in question, then it is time to give it up for a while, if not forever. I’m not saying that over the course of time that you can’t come back and re-visit a sex act. However, if one of you is not ok with the idea in question, then it is time to drop it.
Keelie is a mother of three amazing boys and married to her high school sweetheart, Austin. She spends her days running R5 Website Management, taking care of the home, and investing in her children. In her spare time, she loves to encourage married couples to grow deeper in their relationship and find joy in their marriage.