I remember our wedding night sex even though it’s been almost two decades ago. Part of the reason I remember it is because I was a virgin on my wedding night. Actually, both Austin and I were virgins. 

wedding night sex tips

Fortunately for me, I was given some really great wedding night sex tips that helped us plan and be ready for what the night might hold. Here are a few tips that I have for anyone on their wedding night, especially vigins. 

Set Expectations For Wedding Night Sex

It’s really important that you and your fiance’ talk about your expectations before the wedding night gets there. This is also really good practice for you guys heading into marriage. Being able to talk about sex is not an easy thing to do and can actually get a little more difficult after you’ve had sex. So, practice having those conversations now. 

Here are a few questions to ask each other: 

  1. What is your idea of foreplay? 
  2. What kinds of foreplay are you comfortable with? Is it ok for me to touch your sensitive areas or use my mouth? 
  3. What if we can’t have sex on our wedding night? Will we have sex first thing in the morning, or some other time?
  4. What if it hurts or is uncomfortable? What’s the best way for us to talk about it during sex?
  5. If you can’t orgasm through sex, would you like to try another way? If so, which way?

The best thing you can do to reduce jitters on your wedding night is to talk about it in advance. It’s not going to be the hot sex scenes you see on tv where everyone intuitively knows how to get into the right position. Real sex takes communication and time. 

Prepare For No Sex on Your Wedding Night

It’s true, a lot of virgins don’t end up having sex on their wedding night. It’s not for a lack of trying, though. Usually, it has more to do with the wife not being able to handle full penetration. When you are a virgin, you have to stretch and it can be painful. 

Other times, a couple is too tired to be intimate because they had a long day. Or, they get home too late to spend time together. 

Regardless of why understand, that sex may not happen on your first night and that’s ok. What’s most important is to spend time together as soon as you can. 

What to Do When Sex is Painful On Your First Time

wedding night tips

For a lot of women, sex can be painful on the first time and even consecutive times. Here’s a few tips to help you deal with pain on your wedding night: 

  • Use lubrication – there are some misconceptions that if you have to use lubricant, than the man didn’t do his job to get you ready. That’s just not true. Some women are dryer than others no matter what. But also, it really helps to have lubricant when you are first having sex so you can understand your body. 
  • Go slow – your husband likely won’t be able to go all the way in on the first push. He’ll have to go in a little and rest. It’s not uncommon to feel a burning sensation in your vagina as the tissue is being stretched. Here’s where communication will be really important for you two. You’ll have to tell him when to try and when to stop. 
  • Try another position – depending on the position of your uterus and your unique anatomy, some positions will feel better than others. If he’s on top and you just can’t get the right angle, try getting on top of him. If you stay on your back, you may want to put a pillow under your butt or raise your legs a bit to get a different angle. 
  • Pull out and try later – if all else fails, then have your husband pull out and rest. You may need to give yourself a few minutes or wait until the next morning altogether. 

It can be discouraging if sex is painful. But, my biggest advice to you is to understand that it is normal and it doesn’t mean you aren’t sexually matched with each other. Your body will eventually stretch and conform to the shape of your spouse. 

Stick With The Basics

Don’t think you have to have mind-blowing sex your first night out. Sex will only get better with time, practice, and communication. On your first night, and first year for that matter, just stick with the basics. No need to try complicated sex positions. Just find one position you like and work to master it. 

Focus on Celebrating Your Marriage

On your wedding night and your honeymoon, I really recommend you focus on celebrating the fact that you are married. Your first week of sex will be special, but it doesn’t mean it’ll be hot…or even good. That’s ok. You’ve got the rest of your lives together to experiment and explore. 

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3 Responses

  1. Keelie, my wife and I were as well virgins. Praise God! But we got a tip I thought was excellent from the doctor. He suggested she go ahead and let her family doctor pierce her hymen. That turned out to be a great idea. She had no problem. (Though she did mention a couple of times how the muscles on the inside of her thighs hurt a bit! 🙂 I wonder what caused that!!! Anyway, that we both were “newbies” was a real plus, having saved ourselves for the other. But I’ve also learned that the Lord can “return” our virginity, at least as far as our inner man and woman are concerned. What a blessing. Appreciate your words of wisdom. Though we’ve got a few years on you and Austin, like 54 of ’em.

  2. If you have friends getting married that you know well enough, you could put together a little package for their wedding night. Two different couples gave us such packages. One contained lube and panties another contained lube and baby wipes. All very helpful for two clueless virgins.

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