A few months ago, Austin and I came up with a Between the Periods challenge. I was intrigued by this idea of committing to a month of “vanilla” sex. The motivation behind it was to figure out why we crave spicing things up in the bedroom.
Why I Came Up With The Challenge
I had read a lot of comments on my blog and other blogs where the women were saying that their husbands didn’t want to spice things up in the bedroom. Part of me wondered if what they were really saying in those statements is that their spouse wasn’t bringing them to the point of physical ecstasy.
Since I can reach bliss in a boring position, I thought it would be interesting to experiment what it would be like to have “vanilla” sex every day between my periods.
What Happened When I Did it Myself
I’ve never taken a sex challenge before, much less put one together. I figured that if we were going to take a challenge, we should do it every single day. Isn’t that what you do? You go from not doing something, to doing it fo’ days?
We are accustom to physical intimacy quite regularly, but something happened that we didn’t expect when we decided to go at it daily.
It took 3 days in a row for us to crap out on the daily part of the challenge. Oh man, was that third day rough. I’m positive it had something to do with the fact the neither of us were feeling all that great.
Another reason we failed at being together daily was that it was totally forced. If we were desiring to be together every single day, Awesome!…but we were’t. We were doing it because it was part of a challenge.
Listen, I’m all for making commitments to do things that will help your marriage along. However, I’m completely against forcing yourself to do something that is supposed to be enjoyable. That will help no one.
Forcing ourselves to be physically intimate was rough stuff. We have a very satisfied love life, so it was pretty discouraging to hit a wall where we didn’t desire being together.
What Else We Learned
We also learned that we couldn’t keep it vanilla for the remainder of the month. Even though our physical needs were being met, not switching things up forced us to keep down the passion. It is hard to be passionate when you have to stay in one spot during love making.
I’m all for getting active and switching things up. It showed me that having sex is much more than just reaching physical bliss. During those intimate moments, my husband and I are doing something we enjoy with each other.
It shouldn’t look the same every single time. Think about it this way…if you go out on a regular basis for dates, and all you ever do is get dinner and watch a movie, you are going to feel bored. At some point, you will crave something new and different.
That is not to say that going out to dinner and a movie isn’t something you enjoy doing, but you crave more.
Part of God’s design in us is to desire variety. Look at the different foods we have to eat. He could have just created one thing and met our nutritional needs. He didn’t do that, though, he gave us variety.
Just the same in our physical life, we crave different. We need to switch up the way we connect physically so it will stimulate our minds and bring us closer together.
If you were following me with the vanilla sex challenge and decided to take it, I would love to hear how you did. If you aren’t satisfied in your sex life, I would suggest that you start with a challenge of some kind.
I don’t know if the Between the Periods Challenge will have any benefit for you, but I know we learned a lot about ourselves in the process. I’m actually proud we couldn’t keep up the vanilla stuff for the whole month.
Keelie is a mother of three amazing boys and married to her high school sweetheart, Austin. She spends her days running R5 Website Management, taking care of the home, and investing in her children. In her spare time, she loves to encourage married couples to grow deeper in their relationship and find joy in their marriage.