What My Mom Taught Me About Self-Worth And How It Affects Marriage

what my mom taught me about self worth and how it affects marriage

I will talk a lot about my parents here on the blog. They were very intentional with my education and understanding of the scriptures. Without them constantly modeling Christ for me and sharing God’s Word, I would not be who I am today.

One of my mom’s favorite things to sing to me was the song, Jesus Loves Me. She always said that your self-worth must come from God. When your self-worth is wrapped up in a person, it will take a nosedive when that person fails you. God never fails.

Low Self-Esteem Causes Crisis In Your Mind

Low self-esteem can affect all areas of your life, but your marriage may suffer more than any other areas. There are a lot of reasons that I say that.

  • You will push the other person away emotionally and physically.
  • You will feel jealous of their opportunities, other relationships, and time away from you.
  • You will think they are out to get you and be suspicious that everything they say is for their personal gain.
  • You will feel unlovable and dismiss their actions and words of love towards you.
  • You will desire constant attention and reassurance of their love, but never feel that it is enough.

These are just a few of the mindsets that come with low self-esteem. Can you see how these thoughts can destroy your marriage?

How Low Self-Esteem Issues Hurt Your Marriage

When you push the other person away, because you feel unlovable, you are communicating to them they are not loved. This hurts both of you and makes it hard to have a deep relationship.

Jealousy is a poison that will eat away at your very soul. Everything your spouse gives attention to will be seen as a threat. This includes their job, relationships, interests, and anything else that they focus on.

When you are insecure, you will feel like the world is out to get you and you will have general distrust of other’s motives. If you think everything your spouse does for you is out of personal gain, you will see every action as a play they have to make to get what they want.

Even if though your spouse loves you dearly, you will struggle to believe them. When you don’t think you are worthy to be loved, you end up dismissing their actions of love toward you.

Poor self-esteem causes you to be in constant need of attention from your spouse. No matter how much attention they give you, it can’t be enough. The hole in your heart is too large for any person to fill.

Find Your Self-Worth in Christ

I’m not saying that your self-esteem won’t be lifted by others that love you. What I am saying, is that people cannot be the sole reason for your view of yourself. If your views of who you are rest on humans, you will hit a crisis every time they quit meeting that need.

When you understand that you are:

…special because of God…

…loved because of God…

…wanted because of God…

…important because of God…

…then you will be able to have a deeper relationship with your spouse. All around, your relationships will be deeper. When you can trust those that love you, stop feeling jealous, and accept their actions as pure, you will have healthy relationships.

Verses To Cling To

It is not easy to find your worth in Christ, I’ll admit that. Even though I know it in my mind and in my heart, I still have times when I feel insecure. When those times of insecurity hit me, I remember the verses that my mom quoted to me all my life growing up.

For We Are His Workmanship

for we are his workmanship

We are products of God’s workmanship. He created us with the purpose of good works. These good works were set aside for us before we were were even born. There is forethought in our creation. How special that makes us!

He Withheld Nothing From Us, Including His Only Son

he did not spare even his own son


How many people out there would be willing to sacrifice their own child to save others? God loved us so much that He made a way for us to be with him through Christ. It is because of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross that we can know how much we are loved and cared for.

He Knows Every Hair On Our Heads

you are more valuable to God than sparrows


God is so attentive to us as human beings. The Bible tells us that not even one sparrow falling out of the sky is missed by Him. He knows everything about us, down to the hairs on our heads. What means so much to me is how the scripture says that we are valuable to God.

He Molds Us Like Clay

you are the potter


This verse shows us that with God’s own hands, He shapes us and molds us. He is active in our lives and cares for us. His actions towards us let us know how special we are.

He Planned For Us

you saw me before I was born


Before we were even born, God planned for us. He recorded every day of our lives in his book. Every moment was laid out for us before a single day of our lives passed. How incredible that we were on God’s mind before He even created us. Not just on His mind, but every day of our lives known to Him.

Finding your self-worth in God is essential to having a healthy marriage.

When you are insecure, it causes so many problems in your relationship. However, when you know how valuable you are, you will be able to receive love and give love in ways you can’t imagine.


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