Is it Bad For Your Marriage to Co-Sleep?

Let the mommy wars commence! I’m playing, but I know this is a huge fight between moms…where should everyone sleep at night.

Sleep- it’s so important. If anyone goes without it, you are going to be horrible to one another. It is very important to figure out how to help everyone in your home sleep at night.

Is Co-Sleeping Damaging to Your Marriage?

I would say that for me, my big question about co-sleeping, is whether or not it is damaging to your marriage. This is not a question I can answer for anyone else. I’m not for co-sleeping, but that is my personal preference because I cannot sleep with kids in the bed with me.

For me, if I don’t sleep well at night, it is going to make me crabby and angry the next day. I think that having kids in the bed with me at night would affect my marriage because I would be tired.

Is it damaging your marriage? That is something you and your spouse have to determine for yourselves.

Is Physical Intimacy Happening?

If you are going to have your kids sleep in the bed with you or you sleep in the bed with them at night, then you have to find a way to stay connected through sex. As a couple, you do need to come up with how you are going to be together intimately with kids rotating in and out of your bed at night.

Maybe you find a time during the day to be together intimately. It could be that you put kids in their own beds at the start of the night and spend time together then, before they wake up and need to be in your room.

If co-sleeping is happening, don’t allow your physical intimacy to suffer. If your sex life is suffering, then you owe it to yourselves to push for another solution.

Are You Both in Agreement About the Sleeping Arrangement?

There are a lot of people out there that are going to tell you that co-sleeping is bad and many that will say it is ok. Who cares what they think? Honestly.

The only person who’s opinion you should care about is your spouse. Are they ok with the sleeping arrangements at night? Does your spouse have a problem with kids in the bed or one of you guys being in their beds? If no, then keep up the co-sleeping. If yes, push for another solution.

I Don’t Sleep Through the Night

When I hear people tell me that there is no other way to get their kids to sleep through the night unless they co-sleep- my response is, then they don’t have to sleep through the night.

Seriously, I don’t sleep through the night and I survive. My kids will figure it out like I have. I wasn’t allowed to sleep in the bed with my parents when I was a kid. I don’t think that would have helped anyways. As a child, I remember having to work it out on my own when it came to sleeping at night.

The rules were, I stayed in my own room and I didn’t go into my parent’s room. I spent many nights awake in my bed. It was good for me to figure out how to sleep through the night on my own.

My Kids Didn’t Sleep Through The Night Either

My oldest son, Corbin, really struggled to sleep at night. I got up in the middle of the night over and over to give him pacifiers when he was a baby.

It didn’t quit when he got older either. Until he was 3 years old, he came into my room every single night at least once and would stand by my bed. He didn’t have a reason he was standing there.

Eventually, I was able to teach Corbin to stay in his room when he woke up at night. I was very tired of getting up and putting him back in bed for no good reason.

It took a lot of work to teach him to stop waking me up because he couldn’t sleep. I was up many nights trying to help him sleep in his own bed. I’d stand over his crib and slowly creep out the door.

What Should You Do?

Really, I made the decision to not sleep with my kids or have them in my bed. I can’t do it. I can’t even sleep with them in my bedroom, because their breathing wakes me up.

Since I struggle so much to sleep through the night, I know that routine is the best thing in the world for someone that is a light sleeper. I made my kids stay in their beds, even when they were sick. I would stand in there with them and rub their backs or just be a comfort to them. It was hard for me and I was tired the next day. However, it was important to me to teach them to sleep on their own, because ultimately, it was best for my sleep habits.

You have to decide what works for you and your family. I can’t tell you what to do any more than anyone else can. If you are dealing with a lot of judgment about your sleeping choices, I just suggest you stop talking about it. Stay out of those conversations. It’s not anyone’s business what happens in your bed at night. I’m just saying.