This year, I shared with you guys my personal, business, and marriage goals.Let me be real honest here, I’m not a goal setter- particularly not at the start of the year. Normally, I have an idea hit me, and then I just go for it.
Crystal, over at Money Saving Mom was putting together a goal setting course called Make Over Your Year.She’s had HUGE influence in my life. I felt I should take some tips from a lady that has done some pretty incredible things through goal setting.
As my business has grown and full-time homeschooling is on the horizon, I felt it was time to put some goals down on paper. (fyi- I stink at this!)
Around the same time, Austin was getting very serious about setting goals for the food pantry he manages.
That is why we decided to buy the course and take it together. Here are some things that we learned from Crystal and Jesse through the course about what to avoid when it comes to goal setting with your spouse.
You Can’t Set Goals For Your Spouse
It isn’t your place to set goals for your spouse. I’ve done this and I’ve seen other couples do it, too. Know how it always ends? In lot of stress and fighting.
Goals are a personal thing you must decide for yourself. I’m not saying that a couple can’t chose to work together on some things, but they are going to have to be in lock step agreement about it.
It is never a good idea for one spouse to decide that the other spouse needs to make changes and then try to convince them to adopt their point of view. What ends up happening, is the spouse either ends up agreeing and then going back on their word, or they enter a power struggle over not conforming. Either way, this is going to bring a lot of fighting and frustration into the marriage.
Your Goals May Not Be Right For Them
I liked how Jesse and Crystal shared about their personal goals and how very different their ideas were. Jesse shared about how he had planned to read a large amount of books in a year. There was no way with his personality that he could have met that number. Next go round, he didn’t even include reading books on his list.
One thing Austin and I have had to learn over the years, is that we are completely different people- which means many of our goals are not right for the other. It is really easy to give in to the peer pressure in your marriage to have the same aspirations as your spouse.
Just because they have a passion to make a change, doesn’t mean you should make the same change in your life.
There have been times when Austin has made a goal to get up early so he could go exercise. This is a noble goal- one that I’ve had a love/hate relationship with for him. (Love that he is productive/hate his alarm clock!).
Here’s the thing, I have no desire to get up early. Since I deal with so much insomnia, I need to sleep during those early morning hours instead of getting up.
What if I Can’t Get My Spouse on The Same Page With Me About the Important Stuff?
During the Make Over Your Year course with Crystal and Jesse, some of the participants asked the question, “What if I can’t get my spouse on the same page with me about the important stuff?”.
You can’t force them to change, you can only change yourself!
Here are some things you can do if you and your spouse aren’t on the same page.
Be Their Cheerleader
You aren’t their parent, you are their partner. Be a cheerleader for them in the things that they consider to be a priority in their life. Support them in what they are pursuing, even if it isn’t the same as what you want them to do.
Understand The Value They Bring to Your Partnership
It is a good thing that you are married to someone who does it differently than you do. The two of you guys are a team- partners. Understand the value they bring to your home by having different ways of doing things and different priorities.
Get Over Yourself
I know you don’t want to hear this, but sometimes, you just need to get over yourself. If you have a problem with something, then it is possible you need to change your attitude about it and not demand your spouse change.
Just Do You
Make the goals that you feel are important for you, and then do them. Don’t pressure your spouse to do it with you, make the commitments and be faithful to them on your own. Your example might spur them on, or, it might not. Either way, just do you.
Make Over Your Year is Good For Individuals and Couples
Whether you are interested in making goals on your own, or looking for something that will help you and your spouse, Make Over Your Year is a good option. I think that Crystal and Jesse do a great job of explaining the goal setting process. Since they are very different and come at life from opposite ends of the spectrum, they have put together a course that will help individuals and couples.
Be sure to check out their course and see if it is right for you. I know Austin and I really benefited from sitting down together with it each week.
*Oh- and Crystal says if you don’t feel it made a difference in your life, she will refund your money with no questions asked.