I have had two ladies ask me this question, “Why do I have a hard time getting to sleep after sex?” I don’t sleep well in general, so having sex doesn’t really change much for me, even though I’m more wound up afterward. So, I posted the question in the private Facebook group and found it really interesting that several women said that they have the same problem, but didn’t know others struggled with it.
I just chalk this up to one of those things that we never talk about in regards to sex. But, it seems more prevalent in women to have this problem. Jay Dee, creator of 50 Sexy Coupons and Blogger over at Uncovering Intimacy said this: “Men release prolactin when they have an orgasm. 4x as much when having sex than solo activities. Prolactin makes you sleepy. As well, orgasm requires you to let go of fear and anxiety and men are more likely to orgasm. Lastly, men typically expend more energy during sex, so they’re energy stores are more depleted.”
Now, that only answers why men tend to sleep after sex, not why women get wound up. I did some research and couldn’t find anything intelligent about why this is. But, my personal thoughts are that women crave emotional connection. After sex is the time you feel most emotionally connected to your husband, so you get a second wind from the excitement of arousal and orgasm. The dilemma is that a lot of husbands fall right to sleep after. They honestly can’t help it.
So, what do you do if you have sex and it’s keeping you up afterward? I lay in the bed with the lights out and look at animal videos on Instagram. Some women suggest reading. Others say they get up and do something for a little bit. My suggestion is that you schedule sex early enough in the night that if you can’t get to sleep for an hour or more, it’s not going to affect waking up the next day.
I know this is a big problem for women with small kids that are getting up during the night or first thing in the morning. For those in that position, take a nap during the day. I know it’s hard, but find ways to take a nap. Even if you have to take a 20-minute nap when your husband gets home from work, do it. It’ll help you take the edge off of sleep deprivation. You’re in a season of life right now where it’s ok if all you can manage to do is keep the people alive from day to day.
Don’t skip on sex, but find times that work well for you. Put your kids in front of the tv so you can have some uninterrupted time together while they are still up.
Good luck on figuring out what works for your marriage.
Keelie is a mother of three amazing boys and married to her high school sweetheart, Austin. She spends her days running R5 Website Management, taking care of the home, and investing in her children. In her spare time, she loves to encourage married couples to grow deeper in their relationship and find joy in their marriage.