In this woman’s orgasm guide, I’ll cover how to have your first orgasm and work your way up to having multiples. Also, I share tips for husbands to help their wives orgasm.
Here is a look at the different sections in this guide so you can skip to where you need the help most:
1. Orgasm Tips For Women
2. How to Orgasm With a Vibrator
3. Expect to Orgasm Every Time
4. Oral Sex Positions For Her
5. Tips For Wives To Achieve Multiples
6. How Husbands Can Help Their Wives Reach Multiples
7. Podcast Interviews
1. Orgasm Tips For Women
There are a lot of reasons that many women struggle to orgasm. Here are a few things to consider when working towards learning how to orgasm:
Admit That You Want to Be Aroused and Orgasm
Maybe you have a hard time admitting that you like sex and the feelings you get when you are being intimate. Some women feel shame from their past, general embarrassment, or dirty.
Have you experienced sexual abuse?
Have you dealt with sexual abuse in your past? This can be a huge roadblock for letting go during intercourse. Sexual abuse victims are conditioned to feel bad about their body’s responses to sexual stimulation. If this is something you have dealt with, it could be keeping you from experiencing an orgasm.
Do you have a hard time talking about sex?
Do you feel embarrassed talking about sex, even with your spouse? If you have a hard time discussing sex, then it will affect your ability to climax.
Some women have a hard time talking about sexual enjoyment because of a strict religious upbringing. If you have spent any time on my blog at all, you will know that I love God and am a follower of Jesus. However, I will not ignore the fact that there are a lot of people that think talking about sex is wrong, even in the context of marriage.
It is important that you first admit to yourself that it is ok to want to orgasm and work toward having one. When you can accept that it is ok to be pleased sexually, you will have a better chance of climax and better sexual health overall.
Understand What Feels Good
Have you ever taken the time to explore your body? I know some women would cringe at the thought of this. I’m not necessarily talking about masturbation, but understanding your own anatomy. If you don’t understand what can please your body and provide sexual arousal, then it will be harder to reach orgasm.
I am not advocating that you take up masturbating. However, I am suggesting that you understand what feels good to you. Self-exploration can take place in the presence of your husband.
In order to climax, it is important that you know what feels good. You must be willing to guide your husband with your words or your hands. If you are in a trusting and loving relationship, he will want to do this for you.
Figure Out When You are Most Aroused
There are certain times during the month that your body is naturally aroused. It has to do with your period cycle. Your body wants you to fertilize the egg inside of you.
There is a short window of a few days in the month that you may feel aroused without extra effort. Mark those days on your calendar and try to figure out the pattern. Shoot to plan an intimate night during those days. You have a better chance of orgasm when your body is already there.
Explore Your Clitoris
Not everyone’s lady will be ok with direct clitoral stimulation. The first time you orgasm, this might be exactly what it takes. A lot of women cannot achieve climax without direct clitoral stimulation by mouth, hand, or sex toy. For many women, it is normal to struggle to orgasm through penetration alone.
If you do not feel comfortable touching your own clitoris, then I am guessing you will have a hard time letting your husband. God designed your body to feel pleasure from that spot, and it is ok that you feel good when you are touched in your erogenous zones.
Your husband can either use his hands, mouth, or a vibrator to provide clitoral stimulation. If you aren’t comfortable with one of those methods, that is ok. You must decide what you are comfortable with and go for it.
Talk To Your Husband
Women, talk to your husband about your desires and expectations ahead of time. Admit to him that you want him to sexually please you. Tell him what you would like to try in order to achieve that.
Also, you will need to talk with him during intercourse or manual stimulation of your erogenous zones about what feels good. Do not be afraid to tell him to stop doing something or start doing something different. Keep a kind attitude and he will be happy to please you.
Get Yourself in The Mood
It takes us, ladies, a lot longer to get in the mood than it does our men. There are a lot of things you can do during the day that will get you excited about lovemaking. Go HERE and read my article on practical ways of becoming sexually aroused.
Make a Plan For a Night of Romance
For most women, it takes a lot to have their first orgasm. Even the ones you have thereafter will take a concerted effort. If you are tired or pressed for time, it will cause you to feel distracted during intercourse.
Take the time to plan a night of romance. Set it up a few days in advance. You can go HERE and read my suggestions on how to plan for a romantic night.
Let Anticipation Build Up For a Few Days
The longer you feel sexually stimulated before you attempt to achieve climax, the more likely you will be successful. Plan your romantic encounter a few days in advance. Agree with your husband to stay celibate for those few days.
Be sure you build anticipation about your night together. Intentionally think about the sex life you share with your spouse. Flirt hard with each other during those days. Let the anticipation build up so that you are ready.
Give Yourself Permission Do What Is Needed to Orgasm
It can be very frustrating when things drag on and on during intimacy. I know that it can be embarrassing if your spouse has been doing everything they can to help you orgasm, but you’re not there.
Give yourself permission to do what is needed so that you can reach orgasm. This may mean you have to move around and change your position. It could be that you need something done softer, harder, or longer.
Many women can require a lot of time. Go into the time with your husband knowing that you may be half an hour or longer getting there.
Stop worrying about inconveniencing him. If you let your mind wander to how he’s holding out, it will cause you to break your concentration.
Focus Your Mind on What Your Body is Feeling
While your husband is stimulating your erogenous zones, focus your mind on what you are feeling. Ask yourself what will feel good next. If you have an idea of a motion that will feel good, let your spouse know.
It is very important that you keep your head in the game, otherwise, you will feel distracted and not be successful. If you start thinking of other things besides the sexual arousal you are experiencing, it can keep you from getting there.
Look at What’s Going On
Open your eyes and look at what is going on. If you can’t see exactly what is happening by looking down, use a mirror to assist you. Seeing what’s going on will help you to keep your head in the game. Besides, it is a huge turn-on to see yourself being intimate.
Embrace Your Sexiness
Don’t look at yourself as someone that is not sexy. You are having sex – you are sexy, so act like it. When you convince yourself that you are not attractive, you reduce your ability to enjoy physical intimacy with your husband and lessen your chance of orgasm.
Get Your Body Into The Right Position
There are a few things you can do to get your body into the right position to reach orgasm. Whether you are laying on your back, sitting on your knees, or standing, there are certain things you can try with your body.
You want to expose your clitoris. Here are a few ways you can do that:
- Arch your back
- Lift your hips
- Use your ab muscles to pull your clitoris up
- Hang your head and shoulders off the bed while your husband is on top
- Lift your head back
- Use your fingers and open the lips of her vagina and pull her clitoris up (she don’t have to keep your hands there while having sex, but it can help her get in the right position)
- Clench your bottom and upper leg muscles
- Point your toes
- Do Kegels
Since there is a hood that covers over the clitoris, you have to tilt your hips back in order to expose those nerve endings.
Sheila from To Love Honor and Vacuum suggests that women squeeze their butt to get the right angle. This is a great piece of advice.
These are all ways that you can expose those nerve endings. What you have to do is to pull the hood out of the way of the nerve endings in the clitoris, so that you can become more aroused. The more aroused you get, the more your clitoris will swell and stick out.
Breathe and Make Noise
I know you probably don’t want to get loud enough for the kids to hear you, however, you need to make some noise. Moaning and making noise will help you feel more turned on. Not only that, it allows you to breathe.
While you are trying to reach orgasm, take many deep breaths. Be purposeful with your breathing. Take a deep breath in and then let it out.
Start With Light Stimulation and Build
To get aroused, start with light clitoral stimulation. This goes for direct stimulation with fingers, mouth, or sex toys, as well as intercourse. Too much too quickly can just irritate a wife’s clitoris instead of feeling good.
Husband, I know you want to do it fast and hard, but you have to build up to that. For it to feel good to your wife, she needs to start with light stimulation and then go harder. Ask her these questions specifically:
- Do you want me to go slower?
- Do you want me to go faster?
- Is the position we are in doing anything for you?
- Should I press against you harder?
- Do I need to stop pushing as hard?
If you push on her clitoris too hard or go too fast before she is ready, it will kill the orgasm for her. Even if she is really into it, too much pressure will make it impossible for her to get to that point.
Husband, Stop Moving – Wife, Move More
It can be hard for a husband to know the exact movements his wife needs to orgasm. If the husband isn’t doing the right things at the right moment, it will make it hard for the wife to reach orgasm.
For that reason, it can be a good idea for the husband to stop moving and the wife to control the movements. This can go for using fingers, tongue, sex toys, or intercourse.
Wife, you will need to move around and figure out what is feeling good to you. It won’t be the same motions every time you have sex. That is why you have to really listen to your body and move in ways that feel good to you at that moment.
Use a Licking Motion With Your Clitoris
When the husband stops moving and the wife starts moving, she should move up and down as though she’s using a licking motion with her clitoris. Not necessarily a back and forth type of motion, but more like licking an ice cream cone type of motion.
Rub your clitoris up against the thing that your husband is using to stimulate you. Then break contact and move back down against the thing to the place you started. Then, rub your clitoris back up. This can allow you to get the right amount of clitoral stimulation without overstimulating.
There may come a point when you are aroused enough or it is feeling good enough to rub your clitoris up and down against the thing your husband is using to stimulate you.
Pull Your Clitoris Up While Using The Licking Motion
It is important that while you are doing this up and down motion, that you pull your clitoris up. You should tighten that area as much as you can. For example, if your husband is using his finger, tongue, or vibrator, you should lean back and make an arch with your back. This will give the tension and angle you need to climax.
Squeezing your butt can really help as well as contracting your abs. It is not uncommon to have soreness in these areas the next day from the amount of contracting she will do to have an orgasm.
Don’t Be Afraid to Move Around
A position may work one day, but not the next. In fact, a position may work one minute and not the next. Be honest with your husband and tell him you need to move. It’s ok to tell him something he is doing isn’t working.
These are some of the tips that a husband and wife try to help the wife reach climax.
2. How to Orgasm With a Vibrator
Orgasms are complicated for many women. Just because you can reach climax one way, doesn’t mean you may be able to reach it through a different method. Having only one way to orgasm can be discouraging for some women. Not being able to reach that point at all is even more discouraging.
I’m going to assume that if you are reading this, then you aren’t against sex toys. If you are, then this isn’t an article for you.
I want to give you a few tips on using a vibrator to achieve orgasm with your spouse. Just as a side note, I’m of the opinion that there’s no place for solo sex in marriage. I define solo sex as giving yourself sexual pleasure without your spouse around or their knowledge of what’s happening.
Picking the Right Toy
Choosing the right vibrator is the difficult part. You might be able to orgasm with one variety over another. This is where the trial and error (and unfortunately, expense) comes in. If you pick one toy that doesn’t work for you, that doesn’t mean you should trash it. It may mean you need more practice, or to try something different.
Here’s a quick look at the different types of vibrators-
A bullet is egg-shaped and typically has simple control. You can increase or decrease the vibrations and that’s about it. The bullet is a great first toy, because it is not complicated to use, and generally, they are cheap.
The bullet vibrators can be rubbed over the clitoris or even inserted into the vagina. Some women may like to have two so that one can be inserted while the other one is rubbed on them.
This is also a good solution if you are struggling to get the right stimulation for rear entry positions.
The downside to bullets is that they are really slippery. All sex toys should be covered in lubrication before use, to keep the irritation from occurring. Holding a slimy, vibrating ball can be a bit challenging.
Vibrating Penis Rings
There are many toys available for men, as I wrote about here. But today, I wanted to call out the penis ring, as it has the ability to please both of you, together. The vibrating penis ring is meant to go on your husband and positioned to stimulate you during sex. It is important to note that your husband may have a hard time getting the ring on his penis if he is fully erect. He should put it on with lubrication prior to becoming too stimulated.
A dual-action vibrator has a wand that is inserted into the vagina. It also has a vibrating rabbit or some other type of clitoral stimulation on the outside. That is designed to be held against the clitoris and moved around.
Depending on the style, this sex toy may have a vibrator in the wand as well as the rabbit on the outside. The one with the vibrator on the outside usually offers greater stimulation and more vibration variety.
The vibrating massager is similar to a bullet or egg vibrator. The good thing about this type is that it is easier to hold onto than an egg depending on the type of stimulation you are trying to give.
These are just a few of the types of vibrators you can get. Check out the selection at Married Dance. I trust the toys there because I know the owner. He makes sure all toys are phthalate-free and in porn-free packaging.
How to Orgasm With a Vibrator
Once you have chosen the toy you want to try, then it is time to experiment. Here are a few things to keep in mind when using this type of stimulation.
To keep you from being irritated or overly stimulated, apply lubrication to the toy. Whatever lube you generally use should be fine. Coat the toy with the lube and place some on your vagina and clitoris as well.
There are different speeds on a vibrator. Depending on what you purchased, there may even be different patterns and motions. Whatever you do, start off with a slow vibration. You can always go up on intensity if it isn’t hard enough.
Move The Toy Around
Another way to help your body build up to the stimulation is to move the toy around instead of keeping it in place. Teasing can be helpful when you are getting started. Although, I wouldn’t recommend teasing once you get really excited, because it might wreck your momentum.
Light touches work well at the beginning because it helps to build excitement. If you are getting overstimulated by the toy, back off the speed and reduce the pressure. You might even need to take it off of yourself completely.
Increase the Speed
As you warm up, the sensations should begin to build. Let your husband know when to increase the speed and how much. If the speed is too much for you, then pull the toy away from your clitoris a bit. That will keep the intensity down as you build up more.
If you or your spouse is using a handheld toy, then you should consider adding in some foreplay. Ask him to do other things you enjoy besides just using the toy. These acts will increase the sensations and help you to reach orgasm.
Try Different Positions
You might want to start out lying on your back. That will let you be comfortable as you get warmed up. If it just isn’t doing enough, then get on your knees and let your husband reach you from behind. Standing up may be a good position for you as well. Each position you get into will give you a different sensation, so explore what works best.
You might want to-
- put a pillow under your butt if you are lying on the bed
- lean back while standing up
- pull the lips of your vagina open and up to expose more of your clitoris
Look at What’s Happening
One of the best things about using sex toys is it allows you to see what’s going on. This means you need the lights up and get into a position you can see. Rely on mirrors if you need to.
If you don’t have a well-placed mirror, then use the camera on your phone to look into it. (I wouldn’t recommend recording if your phone automatically backs up to the cloud- I’m thinking no one wants Sex Tape to become a reality for them).
Experiment With The Toy on Yourself
I don’t recommend you getting off by yourself to experiment with your toy. What I’m suggesting is that you let your husband watch you pleasing yourself. I recognize that this is very vulnerable and something you’ll have to get comfortable with over time.
But, it’s really good for you to push yourself to let your spouse see you losing control.
Using the toy on yourself and letting your husband watch you can give him ideas of what you need. Communication is also really important. If you need him to do something for you, then tell him.
Try More Than One Toy
If you don’t respond well to one toy, it might not be you. It could be that you have a toy that isn’t strong enough for you, or it is too strong. Consider getting another toy before you give up on being able to orgasm with them.
Know What to Expect
It is very possible that the first time you use a vibrator will be the best experience you have with the toy. Generally, when you try anything for the first time, you will have the greatest experience, because it is new. Don’t feel discouraged if the times thereafter are not as good. You can still enjoy using a vibrator.
When to Use a Vibrator?
There are a lot of scenarios in which vibrators can come in handy. Here are a few ideas of when you might want to get it out-
- During periods– if you don’t like having sex on your period, then a vibrator can make for a great solution. You can use it on your clitoris without taking out your tampon or Dutchess Cup.
- On vacation– if you take a family vacation where you have to share a room with your kids, a vibrator can really come in handy. Many are waterproof (not all), so your spouse can use them while you are in the shower. Having sex standing up may not cause you to orgasm, so this will help you.
- When you are on pelvic rest- after you have a baby, there are several weeks where you aren’t supposed to be penetrated. A toy used just on your clitoris can help you orgasm without hurting yourself. If you are put on pelvic rest for the sake of a UTI, you may not want to use a toy. That’s a question for your doctor.
- If you’re struggling to orgasm– oftentimes, women incorporate sex toys if they are struggling to orgasm at all. If your hormones have taken a dip, it can make it much more difficult to reach climax. The same is true if you are in a season where you are overly tired. This can give you a short-term solution to bond with your spouse.
Should You Use A Toy Regularly?
This is all a personal opinion here, but I think that you should figure out how to orgasm in many different ways. Once you figure out how to climax one way consistently, then you should add in variety. Here’s why you should learn to reach the Big O in different ways-
- Won’t get bored- I know it sounds crazy that you would get bored from having this type of physical pleasure, but it happens. If you and your spouse have the same exact routine every time you make love, it is going to get boring. That is why being able to climax in different positions and with different methods is helpful.
- More flexible– if you rely on only one way to get there, then you are limiting yourself. It won’t always be appropriate to pull out a vibrator. Or you may not have space to get into the sex position you really enjoy. That’s why it is a good idea to expand your abilities.
- Become a master at sex– when you and your spouse have to figure out new positions and ways to orgasm, you get better at sex. Mastering physical intimacy is a lifetime commitment. You never know what you’ll grow to love over time.
3. Expect to Orgasm Every Time
There was a time that I didn’t expect to have an orgasm every time I had sex. I realize that seems completely crazy for husbands, but many wives say they can take it or leave it. The problem I find with this concept- is that it easily leads to duty sex.
Why Not Expecting Orgasm Leads to Duty Sex
Sex should feel good- to both people. When sex only feels good to one person, it tends to move to the chore list for the one that’s not experiencing the high. And why wouldn’t it? If you don’t feel you are receiving any benefit from regular activity, it’s not going to be something you jump at the chance to do.
Doing dishes is my least favorite chore. I know the dishes need to be done so we can eat, but it’s not something I enjoy doing. It is what it is- a chore. Maybe a spouse knows that sex is something important in the marriage, but they have little motivation to do it because it isn’t giving them satisfaction.
Resentment Comes From Not Orgasming
Here’s the unfortunate cycle that many spouses get in. They struggle to orgasm, which leads to disappointment. They go into the next sexual encounter with less confidence, which makes them less likely to orgasm.
When one spouse is clearly having a wonderful time with the sexual experience, and the other isn’t- resentment tends to build. The spouse that isn’t reaching climax can feel left out of the experience.
No orgasm= no motivation. So, how do you increase your chances of experiencing that high and enjoying your intimate time more?
Expect to Orgasm Every Time
The husband and wife need to expect that both of them will reach orgasm every time. When you both come into the situation with the mindset that you’ll do what it takes to get your spouse there, it makes a big difference.
Working together as a team takes place in the bedroom as much as any other part of marriage. If you both go into the situation with the same expectation, it helps you achieve your goals.
Don’t Give Up
I say to the spouse that is struggling to enjoy sex- don’t give up. To the spouse that is married to someone that struggles to enjoy sex- don’t give up. This is part of the commitment that you made to them on their wedding day. You will be there with them no matter what.
Try new things, keep working at it, celebrate your victories, and ultimately, work towards great intimacy.
4. Oral Sex Positions For Her
Oral sex is a great way for a wife to orgasm. This gives her the direct, yet soft stimulation she needs to reach climax. Even if you don’t go all the way with oral, it can be a good warm-up move before engaging in sex.
On Knees While Leaning Back
If you want to get a bit more active with your oral pleasure, this is a great position. You will get on your knees then lean back using your hands to prop yourself up.
Have your lover get into a comfortable position so that he can reach you. Don’t be afraid to arch your back. It will actually make the sensations feel even better.
Kneeling Over His Face
Straddle your husband’s face with your knees right above his shoulders. You will need to spread your legs enough to be close enough to his mouth for him to please you. He can also use his fingers inside of you in this position.
You can either keep yourself positioned on all fours, or you can sit up while he pleases you. Sitting up will put more strain on your legs than being on all fours. Switch it up so that you can get the break your legs need.
Legs Over His Shoulders
Lay on your back and bring your knees up toward your chest. Have your man lay on his stomach with his face between your legs. Once he gets into position, you can put your legs over his shoulders.
During this move, you might want to bring your legs back up to your chest for a more stimulating position. Move your legs up or out to change to figure out what you like.
Sit On a Counter or Table
Sit on a counter or table that is high enough for your husband to reach you. He might need to get on his knees if the table is shorter. You can also sit on a pillow if you are not quite high enough for him to reach you.
He will need to bend over or sit in a chair to get to you comfortably. You will need to spread your legs and lean back. Either you can prop yourself up with your hands, or lean against a wall if you are on a counter.
5. Tips For Wives to Achieve Multiples
It doesn’t seem fair that some women never reach the big O during physical intimacy, while some of us go again and again in the same session. Even if you haven’t been able to experience this yet, you should know that it is possible to reach this point more than once.
I want to give tips on how to achieve multiples for those that want to try. These tips are for those that already know how to have an orgasm.
Master Having One Every Time
Make it your goal to have one every time you are physically intimate. A lot of women do not reach this point during every encounter.
Tell your husband your goals ahead of time. If you both go into it knowing that you want to have one, then he can do what is necessary to help you get there.
This was one of the biggest changes I made in my own sex life. There were times when we would start and I wasn’t in the mood. I would go ahead and decide ahead of time that the session wasn’t for me.
When I changed my mindset and let my husband know ahead of time what my intentions were, I was successful every time.
Have Physical Intimacy More Often
Once you have mastered having one every time you make love, it is time to increase the number of times you are together in a week. You will condition your body to want to desire that release.
Don’t be surprised if your desire for physical intimacy increases. It is pretty normal that your sexual appetite is going to grow.
Take a Break For a Few Days
After a few weeks of increasing your encounters, take a few days off. Coming together after your period is over is always a good time to try for multiples. What you are trying to do is get your body as aroused as possible before you go into the time with your husband.
You will automatically be ready for release if you haven’t had it in a few days. It is important that you increase the number of times you need it in a week. Then extend the period of time by a day or two.
Get REALLY Ready
Most often, a woman can go into a time of intercourse without being in the mood. When you are trying to master multiples, you need to get really ready. You and your husband should invest in more foreplay.
When it comes to foreplay, you need to share with your husband what turns you on. I would suggest that whatever you choose to do, that you stay away from your coochie until you are ready to reach your first.
Anticipation is your friend when it comes to having more than one for the first time.
When you are trying to go for more than one, go with a position that doesn’t overstimulate you. A lot of women like tongue or finger stimulation. If that is the only way you can reach the first one, it might be more difficult for you to have multiples.
You will need to give yourself enough time to calm down before going at it again. Otherwise, it will be overly sensitive and not feel good. Some women find that if they have their first through direct stimulation, they can have consecutive O’s through intercourse.
If you know how to reach the big O through PIV, (guy parts in girl parts) it can keep you from becoming overstimulated.
Take a Small Break
After you reach your first O, stop moving for a few seconds at least. Stay engaged with your spouse, but both of you need to quit moving around. This will allow you to calm down a bit and have a place to start from again.
Once you’ve calmed down for a minute, start moving again. You might be very surprised that it still feels good.
Some women say that with each one, it feels better. Others say it feels good, but different than the first. Expect that each one will not feel quite the same as the one before.
Keep Your Head in the Game
It is important to keep yourself aroused the whole time. If your mind starts wandering while you are having sex, refocus yourself. Consider getting in front of a mirror so that you can see what is going on. If you can’t see what is happening, visualize it in your mind.
If you have nothing to visualize, then you can just focus your mind on the movements that are feeling good. Also, you can ask yourself what will feel good next.
Communicate With Your Husband
If you want to have more than one, it is going to take communication with your husband. Just remember, real sex is nothing like television sex. Every little move he makes is not going to blow your mind.
It takes a lot of intentional actions and movements to reach this point for a woman. Don’t be afraid to tell him to move differently or at a different speed.
Go Into Each Encounter With The Right Mindset
Once you figure out how to have more than one, you can start expecting to do that each time. For women, reaching that blissful moment is mental. You can experience multiples every time with enough practice and the right mindset.
When you go into the encounter expecting to have more than one, you will have a better chance of being successful. It is also important that you communicate your goals with your spouse. This will help them to know what to be prepared for.
Build Your Stamina
To have more than one O, it takes physical stamina. You might notice your abdominal muscles feeling strained after two or three times. The amount of energy you have to expel will depend on how much it takes to reach each O.
You might want to spend time doing sit-ups and focusing on your core muscles. The stronger your core, the easier it will be to enjoy yourself during sex.
It gets easier to have multiples as you get better at it. Over the course of time, having more than one every time won’t even be the question. The truth is, a woman can keep going over and over. At some point, you will need to decide that you are done.
Hopefully, you will be able to reach more than one if that is your goal. I think it is a great idea to set goals for your sex life.
6. For the guys: Helping your wife with multiples
Here are a few tips for the husbands from a husband’s point of view. He thought it would be a good idea to write from his perspective about helping husbands give their wives multiples. This is what he has to say:
You can do this
Ok, y’all can do this. It’ll take effort on both your parts. The first thing to do is realize that multiples are not a myth. With your help and some work on her part, your wife can achieve multiples.
Keelie mentioned this in her article, but it’s worth hitting on our side as well. Make a commitment that each time you’re intimate, you will bring your wife to climax. If having one every time (or at least most of the time) is not happening, having multiples is completely unrealistic. Keelie also wrote an article with tips for women on singles.
EDIT: Lemme rephrase that: If your wife isn’t having one every time she wants one, multiples aren’t realistic.
Hold your horses
I’d say the main thing we have to do as men to help our wives (whether reaching one or multiple) is to increase our stamina. Women tend to take longer, so we have to keep going for them to be able to finish. I have a few tips, but the first is simply mental.
Keelie always reminds ladies to keep their heads in the game during intimacy. Sometimes it can help guys to do just the opposite, especially when you’re first learning to master multiples. Difficult as it may be, try thinking about something else instead of focusing on how great everything feels. In fact, try to focus on her pleasure more than your own. Read her physical cues, gauge her response, find her rhythm.
There’s also the physical side of holding back. I want to share with you three tips I’ve learned over the years that I hope will pay off for you too.
One way to make yourself last is to simply avoid being stimulated for a bit at the beginning. Try other methods of pleasing your wife – oral, manual, sex toys, etc. If your wife can climax through one of these means, try starting there and then switching up. Switching positions or techniques can prevent over-stimulation, and sometimes that variety itself can help in reaching multiples.
Work it out
In addition to avoiding contact to hold back, there is proactive work you can do to increase actual stamina. To do this requires the same thing it takes to increase stamina in any physical activity: exercise.
If you aren’t familiar with your Kegel muscle group, you need to get familiar. You can do some quick research, but basically, it’s the muscles that control the flow of urine as well as climax. To find them, try to stop peeing midstream. The muscles you flex to do so are the ones you want to work out.
The stronger these muscles are, the more control you have. This strength and control will enable you to both intensify the climax as well as delay it. It will take time to build up this stamina, but so does everything worth doing.
Grinding the corn
This last one is the key. It involves a combination of some of the above notes. Grinding the corn is a position that is designed to directly stimulate your wife, but a small modification I discovered also helps with the stamina part of the equation. The position as described at the link above calls for actually moving in and out. My modification is to get into position as described but forget the in and out, thereby increasing the time you can last.
Instead, engage all the way with your wife and align your pubic bones. It will be similar to missionary, but you will be slightly higher up your wife’s body than usual.
Depending on how you typically do the missionary position, you may also be closer – belly to belly even. A simple rocking motion can stimulate your wife in this position. With a little attention, you should be able to find a position and rocking motion that virtually eliminates your stimulation.
If you do, you can go all night! Lock into this position the right way and suddenly her stamina will be the limiting factor. Trust me guys, there is nothing better than hearing your wife say, “That’s all I can take!”
With this position allowing you to minimize your own stimulation while maximizing hers combined with your newfound stamina, and perhaps a little mind-wandering, you should be able to help your wife achieve her goal.
7. Podcast Interviews
I’ve had the privilege of sharing with several podcast hosts about orgasm and sex in marriage. You can check me out on these episodes:
Delight Your Marriage – Orgasm- Focus on Your Body
The Power of Purity Podcast – Spice it Up Part 1
The Power of Purity Podcast – Spice it up Part 2
Hargraves Hearth and Home –Sexual Intimacy