I’ll often see people leave a comment on blog posts that says something to the effect of- My spouse has no clue what I need out of our marriage and won’t do anything to try.
This is definitely a problem in marriages. I think there are several reasons that a spouse doesn’t work on fixing the problem. Which of these do you identify with?
I think we can all throw our hands up for this one. At some time or another, you’ve likely not made the necessary changes on account of just being selfish. Meeting their needs will take effort and you just don’t want to.
That doesn’t mean that selfishness is always the issue, but there are times when it definitely is. If you are avoiding making changes in your sex life on account of selfish reasons, it is time you make a change.
Don’t Fully Understand The Problem
Even if your spouse is doing all they know to do to communicate their needs to you, it doesn’t mean you understand their problems. We all have different ways of interpreting what someone says. Maybe you know that there is a problem, but the full weight of the issue isn’t clear to you.
Take the time to really understand the needs of the person you are in relationship with. Do not allow miscommunication to be an excuse of why you don’t solve an issue.
Feel The Solution is Unfair
Maybe your partner has presented you with a solution to their problem that you feel is unfair of them to expect out of you. Let’s be real here- none of us moved out of our parent’s house so we could be told what to do by someone else.
Does that mean you should just be allowed to do whatever you want, because you’re a grown person? No. However, when you are in a relationship with someone, you have a choice to make. You can either decide that you will do what you can to help them feel loved and respected- or you’ll just be a jerk and a pain to live with.
If you feel your spouse has asked you to do something that is unfair or that you don’t think you should have to do, then work towards compromise with them. Work with them to come up with a different solution, but don’t leave them hanging.
You Don’t Have The Motivation
This is one we can all identify with. When you aren’t motivated to do something, it can make it very hard to change. If you and your spouse have had conversations where you have agreed to make certain changes, and you don’t- then you are hurting their feelings.
By not making the effort, you are telling them that you do not care about them. That may not be what you think you are saying, but you are.
If you are having a hard time remembering to do things differently, ask your partner for accountability. Give them permission to gently remind you of what you promised.
Find other ways you can keep your word. When you say you’ll do something and then don’t, you are bringing distrust in your marriage.
Feel Overwhelmed And Don’t Know How to Change
Maybe you know that you need to do something different, but you have no idea how to make the change. It could be a problem that you’ve struggled with for years in the past and never been able to be different. When you feel overwhelmed, it can be very discouraging for you.
If you want to work through the issues in your marriage and you feel overwhelmed, let your spouse know. It is so important that they understand where you are and what you are struggling with.
What about you? What is keeping you from working on the issues in your marriage?