I listened to my friend Belah Rose talk about this today on the Delight Your Marriage podcast. This is the episode where she talks about the 3 things men want in sex, and one of those things is that your husband wants you to pay attention to his penis. If you aren’t familiar with Belah, she’s interviewed me before over there about how women can orgasm.
Your Husband Wants You To Pay Attention to His Penis
In that specific podcast episode about what men want, she talked about something that I think many wives have never thought of doing for their husbands…and that is to pay attention to their husband’s penis. Many men crave their wife’s attention to this area. They want their wife to talk about it, enjoy it themselves and experience sexual pleasure and give it all types of attention.
Maybe that seems weird to a woman because she may have the complete opposite feeling about her husband paying attention to her vagina. I’ve had plenty of women write in and tell me that they are self-conscious about the way their vagina looks, especially after they’ve had a baby. Or maybe they feel uncomfortable receiving a lot of attention to their vagina for other reasons…possibly on account of sexual abuse, the way they smell down there if they’ve been on their period recently, or any number of reasons.
Your Husband Can Feel Loved By This Action
However, many men want their wives to pay attention to their penis in a loving and caring way. Men feel loved and cared for through sexual affection, so spending time on their penis can communicate love to them. Not only that, most men are desperate for their wives to enjoy sex with them. I don’t say desperate in a bad way here. I just mean it’s a deep passion for them to want to be desired.
Just like a woman wants her husband to tell her she’s beautiful on a regular basis, a husband wants a woman to tell him his penis is a source of sexual pleasure for her and that she is attracted to it.
They Don’t Feel Comfortable Saying This
I think a lot of men don’t feel comfortable asking their wives to do this. They want to use this part of their body to please their wife and be pleased by their wife. But, if they start asking their wife to pay detailed attention to this area, they might feel like they are being a pervert or using their wife. Or worse, they may think their wife will feel like they are a pervert or using them in some way.
Pay Attention to His Penis Without Him Asking
As a woman, you want your husband to pay attention to you. You crave his attention in many ways. You want him to tell you he thinks your hair looks great. You want him to pursue you sexually with his words and actions. You want him to notice the things you do for the family.
Not only is it not weird for your husband to pay attention to you, you expect it. He has the same desires. His desires include you giving extra attention to his member. A way to bless your husband is to find ways to pay attention to this part of him without him asking. We always feel more loved when our spouse does things for us that we truly need without mentioning it to them.
Turn Admiration Into Intimacy
It’s ok to let your attention to his penis turn into a time of sexual satisfaction. Not that this is the only reason you should look at him or talk about his penis. However, it is great foreplay for him and can be a real turn-on for you.
The more you do this, the easier it will be for you. Anytime you are apprehensive about something in the bedroom, exposing yourself a little at a time is how to work through it.
What You Can Do To Give Your Husband’s Penis More Attention
So now that you are officially freaked out about what your husband may expect from you, I want to give you a few ways you can pay attention to your husband’s penis to take the pressure off of you.
- Hold his penis while you make out.
- Rub up against him through his pants when you are hugging.
- Grind your butt into his penis either while you cuddle in bed or during the day as a tease.
- While you are having sex, tell your husband what you think about his penis. You can tell him how it makes you feel or what it looks like.
- Give him a blow job, if even only for a few minutes, to warm him before sex.
Hopefully, you can give your husband sexual confidence and feelings of love by admiring his member.
18 comments
Jerry
My wife has always given and excellent hand job. However she is not always in tune to the fantasys in my mind. For this reason I typically write a small script describing how I want my penis played with. This includes toys, lube, stroke speed and the number of edges she can give me before I ejaculate. Sometimes she wants play with me, she just doesn’t have the creativity that us men think about all day!
Keelie Reason
I’m sure writing prompts can take pressure off of her if she’s willing to try what you have written down.
Karen
Edit to my comment: that should have said MEN, not me! lol
Karen
I find it interesting that all the comments are from me. I appreciate their point of view and I’m glad so many men are taking advantage of your blogs.
Heather
Most of the comments on these explicit blogs are from men. In fact there are not many women commenting on Christian sex and marriage blogs at all these days. I think comments like Trev’s might put a lot of women off.
Gail
100%, he response was very off putting.
Keelie Reason
That’s the tough thing with moderating comments on my blog. Trev’s comment has helped some readers and have been off-putting to others. I do what I can to allow people the opportunity to share their thoughts. I don’t approve comments when I think the person is simply trying to get a rise out of others. But as much as possible, I allow people to share their experiences and perspective because I know some readers will identify with what they are saying and feel less alone. I know that the flipside can happen as well because a reader can feel upset by the comment or cause pain.
Keelie Reason
I have a lot of male readers actually!
Alex
Hi Keelie, thanks so much for writing this! Even with your article as a guide sometimes during conversations like this I still have a hard time expressing my feelings coherently to my wife and was thinking of just sharing your article with her. Do you have any suggestions for how to bring it up and share it with her without seeming needy/accusatory?
Keelie Reason
Hey Alex,
thanks for your comment. I completely understand how hard it is to broach this subject with your spouse. I think sharing this article is a good starting point. But, after that, you can share your feelings of wanting to feel like this part of you is attractive to her. Just like she wants you to think she’s attractive and has concerns about her body, this is an area of your body where you desire that.
Trev
Men naturally want to play with his wife’s body. We do it all the time. But, there are times when for the sake of the marriage and to help my wife return back to focusing on me, we have a play-with-my penis-night. Those nights foreplay mainly is me playing with myself for her. I stroke myself to remind her what I like and show her where my penis’ most enjoyable places are. One of my wife’s absolute favorites is when I get on all fours and slide in and out between two pillows that I learned to do in junior high school. When I really get into it, she loves to ride on my back and pushi her vulva against my backside. She most always orgasms big that way. She says when I’m really getting into enjoying myself, it turns her on big time and she wants to enjoy it with me. Thankfully I had great advice when I was a young teenager to thoroughly enjoy masturbating while learning control. That made all the difference for us for I can really get into the double-pillow and then when she orgasmed, I flip her over and blast a volume in her like a dang geyser. It’s just so much fun being married! And so thankful God made my wife and I so free we have had a blast sexually playing with each other for 37 years of marriage. And it’s so much fun putting the effort into keeping that freedom.
Keelie Reason
that’s great for you both!
Will
You’re spot on. Who we are as men is defined by our penis. Having our wife honor our penis and are glad that we greatly enjoy what God so amazingly created for us, is a big deal to us.
The power of a man is in the way he uses his penis. If he misuses it like David did with Bathsheba, the men of Sodom, Lot with his daughters, and the many men of our day, these men are weak and cause an astounding amount of destruction. But a man whose penis is focused on his wife, and goes after her with his penis, he is a powerful man.
Abraham was a powerful man because he believed God and God credited to him as righteousness. Abraham believed what? He believed that God would make sure his penis worked as an old man, that he would enjoy the pleasure of ejaculating into his wife, and that God would ensure his old wife would conceive their promised son. Abraham’s faith was wrapped up in his penis. No wonder Satan and our society attacks men and their penises to get us to misuse it and be weak. Satan knows that weak men are astoundingly destructive to a society and especially its families.
Keelie Reason
thanks for your insights!
Dan
Keelie,
You- “Thanks for your feedback.
I didn’t say worship in my article. What’s that addressing?”
Me- “I’ll do what you probably hesitated to do do for any number of reasons. Please do not entangle the term “worship” with any religious context it might have as applies to the Holy Trinity. I’ll use the term penis worship.”
I’m sorry for any misunderstanding I may have caused for you or your readers. You did not use that term. What I was meaning to do there was qualify my use of that term deeper in my comment:
As to not using the term appreciation instead of worship: “My reason would be that appreciation does not carry the significant emotional weight of worship. Worship implies a deep and dedicated love. That is how we feel about our wives and their bodies and how we wish you to feel about us and our penis in particular.”
I wanted you and your readers to be aware that I appreciated and acknowledged the use of the word “worship” in it’s religious context and was not meaning to be disrespectful or sacrilegious by using the term “penis worship.” I am not suggesting or implying that a wife worship her husband’s penis as an idol but regard it with appropriate love and attention.
A partial definition from Merriam Webster:
“extravagant respect or admiration for or devotion to an object of esteem…”
I hope this clarifies the confusion I apparently created. Thank you for thinking there may have been something not adequately explained.
Dan
Keelie Reason
gotcha! Thanks. 😀
Dan
I’ll do what you probably hesitated to do do for any number of reasons. Please do not entangle the term “worship” with any religious context it might have as applies to the Holy Trinity. I’ll use the term penis worship. We men worship your bodies in its parts and in whole. Yes, we get aroused touching your bodies and we touch your bodies to arouse you, but with the viewing and touching of your body comes an attitude of worship from us. We feel truly blessed to share your bodies with you as ordained under 1Cor 7:2-5.
One might argue why not use the term “penis appreciation” instead. My reason would be that appreciation does not carry the significant emotional weight of worship. Worship implies a deep and dedicated love. That is how we feel about our wives and their bodies and how we wish you to feel about us and our penis in particular.
We strongly identify with our penis in a way I suspect women identify with their ovaries and uterus. They are the only organs that truly differentiate us physically. I believe this is why men may regard performing oral sex as a ritual of worship of their wives. Feeling that way as we do, we desire that you feel the same about our penis, even if not blessing us with oral. It is how you touch the penis. Think of it as the difference between handling doll and an actual baby. Baby our penis. Fawn and coo over it. Caress and stroke it with love. Tell it how special and pretty it is even. As silly as some of this may sound, it is not an overstatement. We love our penis in a way that it is difficult for women with often typical body issues to comprehend. We may agonize over length and girth at times, but when it performs as consistently well as it does we feel no shame over those ill-perceived deficiencies.
When we feel our penis is not loved, adored even, we can feel less than fully loved. I think it would not be incorrect to say that we men look for the same strong emotional connection toward our penises that women look for for their hearts and minds in the relationship. Love me; love my penis.
Keelie, I’ll understand if you do not publish this or edit it for content but I felt the truth had to be emphatically (hopefully not graphically) told to be understood and appreciated.
Keelie Reason
Thanks for your feedback.
I didn’t say worship in my article. What’s that addressing?